Join Frog

I'm Charlton Taylor and I'm a People-Pleaser.  This week marks two months of being sober, and sobriety is a a necessary step in joining Frog's mission!  I know what you're saying, "There's nothing wrong with doing something to please someone!"  Correct!  There is also nothing wrong with having a beer or two... but 15 beers? Or 15 beers everyday with your oatmeal and fried eggs?  Enough said!

People-Pleasing can quickly turn from serving another for their pleasure to a hunger for affirmation and acceptance. Both affirmation and acceptance, like food, are vital for human life and health, but when you live for the next hit they become destructive.  You find yourself serving, ministering, and giving for yourself - to hear, "Wow, great job!  Thank you SOOOO much! You are so amazing!  I can't believe you did that for me; you really are an incredible person!" A & A addiction moves the focus away from "The Other" and the act itself and places it on yourself!  That's why I want to join Frog.

In Haruki Murakami's short story collection, After the Quake, he shares the tale "Super-Frog Saves Tokyo."  The narrative centers on a middle-aged loan officer, Katagiri, who receives a visit from a 6 foot frog.  Frog invites Katagiri to fight against Worm, who happens to reside deep below Tokyo.  In a few days Worm will become angry, an anger that will cause a fatal earthquake in Tokyo killing over 150,000 people. Worm must be destroyed and Frog says he can only defeat him with Katagiri's help.  Katagir tries to wiggle his way out of the invite but Frog refuses to accept:

No, it is a matter of responsibility and honor. You may not be too crazy about the idea, but we have no choice: you and I must go underground and face Worm.  If we should happen to lose our lives in the process, we will gain no one's sympathy. And even if we manage to defeat Worm, no one will praise us. No one will ever know that such a battle even raged far beneath their feet. Only you and I will know, Mr. Katagiri.  However it turns out, ours will be a lonely battle.

I want to do what is right out of honor and responsibility... and love and genuine compassion and not primarily for affirmation and acceptance. The key is to bring joy to others without them knowing I was the one who brought joy.  They key is to help others without them ever knowing it was me.  Jesus says it this way: But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

So, I'm a recovering People-Pleaser, not because I don't want to serve others, but because I want to serve others for them and not for me, because I want to brave the battle against Worm, to stand victorious over Worm's lifeless corpse while the masses miles above go about their daily lives oblivious to the war that raged below .  So today... give, serve, and minister incognito.

I'm Charlton Taylor and I'm a People-Pleaser. 

The Gospel According to AT&T

MB and I headed to Big "D" for a Get-Away-Weekend, a weekend bullied by eating - In-N-Out Burgers, Panera Bread, Pinkberry, and Fogo de Chao (I'm still digesting the cow I packed into my gut).  But, we did manage to squeeze in some Swing lessons: triple-step, triple-step, back-step, step and a 60 minute massage!  It was that massage that spurred this post!

As I lay covered with a thin white sheet, staring at the floor through the hole in the table that framed my face, with a stranger pushing, pulling, rubbing, and chopping my body I asked myself, "Why does this work?  Why does it feel so good?  Why do we pay so much for something that seems a bit strange?" Sure, there is something relaxing and healing in a massage. But, I can get a similar effect from a massage chair, a jacuzzi tub, or rolling my feet over a wooden stick and yet it's not quite the same.  The difference is the human touch, literally.  God created us to long for human-human contact.  We need The Other's touch.  

Babies understand it because we haven't yet deprogrammed them.  I often hear people say, as the child cries, "Don't pick her up.  That will just train her to cry for what she wants." That is one way to see it, or perhaps the baby stops crying when you pick her up because because human touch soothes - being cradled and cuddled calms.

This summer, as I isolated myself from most of my friends and family in order to cope with my sin, I started having "touch" withdraws.  There were some weeks I was starved for a hug.  One night, in the midst of a "touch" fast, I drove 35 miles to my parents, knowing they did not approve of my current choices, just to beg for a hug.  Another time, while living at my cousins, I was on my way out the door for work when his mom (who just happened to be in town) said, "Are you okay?  Do you need hug?" Earlier that morning, while I primped for work, I couldn't stop thinking, "I really need a hug.  I really need a hug."  She read it all over my face and so as my aunt embraced this 34-year-old man I wept.  I needed her touch.

I've noticed the intentional touch of MB's and my therapist.  She conducts herself in a perfect professional and approprieate manner.  I notice how carefully she maintains strong therapist/patient boundaries, and yet EVERY week as we leave her office she stands by the doorway and gives us both a gentle tap on our right shoulder.  It's simple; it's light, and yet in that touch she says, "I care about you as a person and not just a patient."  Touch matters!

It is in God's design.  Genesis 2 paints a picture of God The Sculptor forming man with his hands - close and intimate. Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being (Gen. 2:7).  

Scripture continues to reveal God's design for touch through the person of  Jesus.  Although able to heal with a word, time and time again he heals with touch:

1. The leper in Mark 1:41 - Jesus was indignant. He reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!”
2. The deaf and mute in Mark 7:33 -  After he took him aside, away from the crowd, Jesus put his fingers into the man’s ears. Then he spit and touched the man’s tongue.  
3. The blind man in Mark 8:32 - He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man’s eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?”
4. Jarius' daughter in Mark 5:41 - He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!” (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”).    

We see it also in Christ's interaction with children.

1.   Mark 9:36 -  He took a little child whom he placed among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them... 
2. and Mark 10:16 -  And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.

Someone will cross your path today in need of a hug, a pat on the back, a hand-squeeze, or perhaps to be held tightly as they sob and ache.  So... echoing the 1981 AT&T slogan, "Reach out and touch someone!"

They Rebuild

BOOM! That explosion?  Just my life.  I built the bomb.  I lit the fuse and the blast radius was huge, the shrapnel penetrating everywhere.  I looked around at the carnage, the wounded, the demolition and wondered, "How do I put this back together? How do I rebuild? How do I reclaim?  How do I redeem?"  The answer?  I don't... WE do!  I cannot list everyone who has traveled to Charltonville for disaster relief but here are some of the key players:

 

 A wife who says, "I have never stopped loving you!" A wife who knows how to love, to REALLY love.  A wife, who although unable to trust you at first, says, "I will trust in God and the resurrection of Jesus Christ."  A wife who will risk her heart, her soul and her future again.  A wife who not only understands grace and mercy but who oozes it out her pores everyday.

 Friends who not only like to hang out and laugh together but who are in it for the long haul, who lay their life down in front of you and say, "Walk on me if you have to.  We can take it."  Friends who decide that they'd rather love you like family than acquaintances.  Friends to whom I owe my life.

  

Looong time soul brothers (and sisters) who clear the schedule and reorder their world to clean up your crap...not only because they love you, but because they believe in you, because they act like they need you, and because they celebrate you.

 

Adopted parents who say, "We will carry you right now with hope and joy. We will make sure on a daily basis that you know we are thinking about you and cheering for you."  People who when you think they cannot give anymore surprise you again... and again.

 Parents who love you more than you know, more than they can express, who cry over you, who welcome you home and hold you as you scream out the pain, who fight for you, pray for you, never give up on you.

 

Sisters who believe in you, who know who you really are, who believe in who you are and not what you have done, who hope for you.

 In-laws who set aside the great pain you have caused them, the pain they have seen their daughter suffer and welcome you into their house as a son.  In-laws who will fight for your marriage.

 A brother-in-law who sets anger aside, puts the past behind him, and offers forgiveness with this simple phrase, "Glad you are back!"

 

Friends who, in spite of the massive scar on your face, choose to focus their eyes on the features behind it and say, "We know who you are!"

Second chances don't come from repentance. Second chances come because a community offers it and then serves as the foundation upon which it is built.  There are so many more, so many more... thank you!