Thursday, May 31, 2012

TransAmerica: Thoughts, Ramblings, a Lame Joke, and Learnings as We Penske Wagon Across America

It's nearly 11 PM and I'm in Effingham, IL (every Illinoisians' favorite city name to shout when angry). As I recline in a hotel bed, my family asleep all around me, and NBA analysts breaking down Miami's win, I decided to scribble down random thoughts and learnings from the Taylor's travels across the United States. Here it goes...
  • Contrary to popular belief, people do live in Oklahoma. I was able to understand their language and they are friendly to foreigners.
  • Texas seems to be the only state with state-shaped waffles.
  • While Democrats and Republicans vie for power, it's clear that Ronald McDonald is the boni fide Commander and Chief.
  • Penske trucks drink diesel like a sumo downs Chankonabe: quickly and in large quantities.
  • Dogs are high maintenance. 
  • Appreciation for long-winded preachers grows in direct proportion to the number of hours you are scheduled to drive (I've been hosting a three-day Penske Revival Conference and I managed to bring in some stellar keynotes and dynamic worship bands.)
  • While driving and worshiping it is safest to be a one arm hand-raiser (preferably your non-dominant hand).
  • Want Angolina Joliesque lips? Don't waste time and money with expensive cosmetic procedures. Have your brother throw a rock at your lip...poof! Puffy lips!! Repeat after two days (Pierson can testify to its effectiveness.  His words, "If feels like my lip wants to pop off!").
  • If you have poor night vision and are an inexperienced 26-foot-truck-with-a-car-dolly-and-Kia-in-tow driver don't get stuck having to back out of a hotel parking lot, surrounded by unattended semi's, in a severe thunder storm, with a multi-block electrical outage. 
  • If you gas-up at the big rig diesel pumps it is assumed that you swear like a drunken sailor who stubbed his toe after bumping his head... never mind the 8 year old boy standing next to me.
  • What revenue Oklahoma fails to collect in its absence of professional sports teams it makes up for with highway tolls. 
  • The iPhone never ceases to amaze me.
  • Ice cream always sounds good.
  • Every vehicle should be equipped with semi-grade side mirrors (scooters and segways included).
  • The company that promotes the most on the Lamar billboards is Lamar.
  • There are A LOT of people and each one has a story.
  • The laws of physics don't lie.
  • [Random lame joke] What's the the laziest town in Missouri? Doolittle, MO.
  • Doggie toots smell distinctly different than human ones (I purposefully used the terms "doggie" and "toots" so as to make a crude subject sound cute.  You're welcome, Mom. I also replaced "toots' with "ones" in the second half of the sentence so as not to overuse the word "toot..." Oh, wait... I just used "toots" four times...wait, five - never mind).
  • Panera Bread puts little effort in accommodating big rig parking, and I would be uncomfortable if they did. 
  • With a family of five and a dog chances are that at any point in time someone has to go to the bathroom.
  • In the Penske... uphills, "Sorry!" Downhills, "Weeeeeeee!"
  • All bugs look the same splattered on your windshield (You are supposed take this comment and make a theological point, "In the same way, all people, if they were splattered on a windshield would look the same too. We are all made in the image of God).
  • Just because you see a Highway Patrol doesn't mean you have to slow down, especially if he has already pulled someone over.
  •  God is a magnificent sculpture and painter.

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