Lessons From a Prostitute (Part II): You'll Never Be Good Enough!

Recently I started a blog series on the most popular prostitute in scripture, Rahab, and the insight her story shares regarding our notions of faith and goodness. In the first post (you can read it HERE), my main point was:

Faith rather than goodness is the foundation of your relationship with God.

Scripture commends Rahab for her faith, and here is why:

Rahab lived in Jericho, a city of The Promised Land. That's key, because Israel sat primed to pounce on Jericho as their first target. Joshua, Israel's leader, sent a couple of spies on a recon mission to Jericho. Upon entering Jericho, they headed to Rahab's home, a perfect camoflouge for a couple of Jericho's enemies. Of all city dwellings, strange men entering a prostitute's home would arouse the least amount of suspicion. Also, Rahab lived in the city wall. The window to her house opened to the escape route. Why Rahab? It was a strategic move.

While the spies were hiding out at the prostitute's, informants advise the King of Jericho on the spies arrival and whereabouts. He sends S.W.A.T. to drag the spies out of Rahab's home for a game of Truth or Torture. As the soldiers arrive to arrest the Israelite spies, Rahab lies, "Yes, the men came to me, but I did not know where they had come from...they left. I don't know which way they went." She knew. They were hiding on her roof! She hid them there.

Why would Rahab protect the enemy? Why bet against your King, your army, your own people, the famous walls of Jericho? She believed the God of Israel would grant them victory. She had faith in his power! She says it this way:

I know the Lord has given this land to you and that a great fear has fallen on us, so that all who live in this country are melting in fear because of you...everyone's courage failed because of you, for the Lord your God is God in heaven above and the earth below.

She had heard what God had done to Egypt and what he did at the Red Sea. She had faith in his sovereignty and she was scared! Fear led her to self-preservation. She hid the spies so she could bargain, "Your life for mine. When you come to destroy Jericho, save my family and me!" The spies agreed.

Scripture commends her for acting in faith and saving the spies, but when you read the text closely, Rahab's faith was IGNORANT and IMMATURE!

Her faith was IGNORANT because she had  an incomplete and faulty view of God. She saw God as a warrior: defeating the Egyptians and the two Amorite Kings. She did not know this same God was a God who loved his creation, who had a plan to restore all things, who wanted Israel to be his light to the Gentiles, who would eventually wrap himself in flesh and die for her. She only saw a general who could not be stopped. Her faith was ignorant.

Her faith was also IMMATURE. She clearly had not grown up in church. She did not know the Ten Commandments. She had never done a Beth Moore Study. She had never screamed a Chris Tomlin song as she drove down the highway! She didn't have a fish sticker on the back of her donkey. She didn't know the books of the Bible. She was unaware that the Duck Dynasty guys were Church of Christers. 

Her faith was immature! It was shallow. She did not hide the spies because she loved them or because she loved God. She didn't lie to the King of Jericho because she saw herself as "The Lord's Servant." She did not view herself as an ambassador of Yahweh. She saved the spies because she was scared to death. Her faith was motivated by fear. But faith is simply believing God is who he says he is, and all she knew at that moment was that he claimed sovereignty, and she believed it.

That's the point! God uses immature and ignorant faith:

You will never be good enough, but a little faith is good enough!

You will never fully understand God. You will never fully mature. You will doubt. You will misunderstand scripture. You will have bouts of feeling unspiritual (usually based on how much you are praying and reading your Bible compared to others). You will sin. You will feel like you do not have "It" together (I'm still not sure what "It" is). Some of you will have horrible views of God because of what you will experience and what others will teach you. You will feel like you don't know how to pray. You will feel like you don't understand the Bible...

As a result you will believe the lie that God cannot use you:

• I can't serve in a ministry.
• I can't teach anyone.
• I can't invite someone to church.
• I can't make a difference for good.
• I can't be a good father/mother.
• I can't have an impact on the Kingdom of God.
• I can't help anyone.
• I can't share Jesus with anyone.

Rahab dispels the notion that God only uses strong faith. God uses ignorant and immature faith. God only needs to get his big toe into the door of your life in order to change the world. He can use what little faith you have, however immature or ignorant. Your part is to pray the prayer of the Father who wanted Jesus to heal his demon-possessed son:

"I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!"

Lessons from a Prostitute: Don't Be Good

Last December, my family made it from Trenton, MI to Ft. Worth, TX in 18 hours. We might as well have driven in separate cars, because we spent most of the trip deepening our relationships with "Steve Jobs" and "Satoru Iwata" on our iPods, iPhones, and 3DS's. (Warning! Old Man Moment...nostalgia). When I was a child there were no uphill-both-ways-to-school routes, but we did spend long road trips interacting through "car games," which always ended in a family feud.

Password was one of our favorite games. The game consists of two pairs of teams. A member from each team selects a secret word and then provides clues to the other member to help her identify the secret word. The teams alternate giving clues until one of the team members guess the secret word. Here's an example:

Secret word: "Chicken"
Possible clue: "Colonel Sanders"
Possible clue: "Crossed the street"

Got it?

Let's play a game of Password. I'm going to give you a clue and you try and guess the secret word. Here we go. The clue is, "Prostitute!"

I don't know your guess but I bet it wasn't the word "Good," and my online thesaurus would agree with you. It suggests synonyms like "betrayer," "deceiver," and "cheater." And yet, scripture commends a prostitute as a hero of the Christian faith!

Hebrews 11, the Who's Who chapter of the New Testament, lists Rahab the prostitute alongside the all-star characters of the Old Testament. She is listed alongside Abraham, the original B-I-G P-O-P-P-A; alongside Isaac, Jacob and Joseph, the Patriarchs; and alongside Moses, the stud prophet!  In fact, Rahab gets more screen time than David... the boy wonder, the giant-slayer, the KING, the man after God's own heart! The Hebrew writer says this about the Lady of the Night (Heb. 11:31):

 

By faith Rahab the prostitute did not perish with those who were disobedient, because she had received the spies in peace.

But he is not the only one who holds Rahab up as an example. Jesus' own brother shines the spotlight on Rahab too (James 2:25-26):

Likewise, was not Rahab the prostitute also justified by works when she welcomed the messengers and sent them out by another road?  For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is also dead.

If you have grown up hearing Rahab's story, what I just wrote doesn't shock you. Your familiarity has desensitized you to its messiness. Perhaps I can rekindle the awkwardness of this story by asking you a question, "Have you explained what a prostitute is to your child?"

"Well...they are too young?"

"Oh, not yet. They don't even know about 'sex.'"

"Ummm...not sure how to do that."

Precisely.  It is a grungy story and yet Rahab is held up as a Christian example of...of...pay attention: not GOODNESS but FAITH.  God used her because she had faith and not because she was good. The story of Rahab dispels some false Christian notions about faith and goodness. In upcoming posts, I will explore further what Rahab teaches us on this topic of faith and goodness. But I want to begin with this statement: 

Faith rather than goodness is the foundation of your relationship with God .

Christianity is about faith rather than goodness. It may be easy to nod and say, "Amen," but it seems so many Christians and non-Christians are obsessed, not with being good, but with being seen as being good. We spend vast amounts of energy and time shaping the perception of others. We speak, act, and hint so that "he" or "she" will think I am good. 

A preacher-friend of mine ministers at a congregation where they provide envelopes in which to put your tithe. He says they receive empty envelopes EVERY week. Why would you take the time to put an empty envelope in the offering plate? One reason: the appearance of generosity. You want others to think you are good. 

If we stood you up in front of 300 people who knew you and asked, "By a show of hands, who thinks [insert your name] is a good person?" and only two people raised their hands, you would be devastated! You would probably lose sleep. You might even slip into a depression. 

We want others to think we are good, and as a result we often make Christianity about goodness. "He who looks the most like Jesus in the end wins. He who has the most Fantasy Christian points is the 'goodest!'"  We even use church as a badge of goodness. How many times have you heard or said, when vouching for someone's character, "She goes to church!" as if to say, "She's a good person."

Trying to be good...well...trying to look like you are good is exhausting. Chill! Your relationship with God is about faith, not goodness. So...for today, quit trying to be good.

God Doesn't Work for Burger King

A couple of weeks ago as we prepped to launch "Promise Island" VBS, I helped prep our church by taking on the text for the for the first day's theme: "I Am With You."  I preached the famous Shadrach, Meshach, and A Billy Goat (at least that is what I thought as a kid) story from Daniel 3.

The story continues to build the author's case for God (Yahweh) as the cosmic sovereign. In my message I built upon the books' theme by stressing: Your level of obedience and boldness is directly tied to the depth of your trust in God's sovereignty. You can hear the message here, but as with all sermons I had to nip and tuck as I pursued a fluid and cohesive piece, which means I was forced to leave out thoughts, ideas, and ramblings. This post is a rambling that failed to make the team.

Before Burger King hired the creepy big-headed King who kept popping up in people's beds, backyards, and children's bikes (Isn't that illegal?), the chain sold their product with the motto: "Have it Your Way!" I like that. Days would be sheer bliss if everyone's motto for me was, "Have it Your Way!" If my kids woke up and said, "Have it your way, Dad!" Or if my boss said, "Charlton, have it your way!" If the cop who pulled me over, "Sir, you were going 95 in a 45, but have it your way." If all church members said, "A 45-minute sermon? Have it your way!" If the U.S. Olympic committee said, "Although you have never run fast enough to compete in the mile at the high school level, we would like for you to represent the U.S. in London for the 1500 meters. Have it your way!"

We like it our way, and our consumeristic culture and natural inclination toward self-centeredness blend into a deadly concoction of self-absorption and entitlement. We begin to function as if God stands behind the BK counter sporting his hat, taking our prayers, and responding with a "Have it your way!" The entitlement mentality limits God's sovereignty. It makes God's sovereignty dependent upon his answering my prayers according to my specific requirements. The moment he doesn't, "I guess God isn't that powerful after all. I guess he doesn't care about my family or me. Maybe he doesn't exist."

I'm not minimizing the problem of evil. It's clear things are not right in the world. Brokenness screams from all corners of the globe. Scripture gives us room to question God, to be angry, to shout and yell, and even throw a temper tantrum. There is dissonance between a sovereign and good God and the state of the world. But too often, we doubt God's sovereignty not because we are wrestling the larger questions of evil, but simply because he did not look smilingly across the counter and say, "Have it your way!"

Apparently Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego never ate at BK.  When Nebuchadnezzar (I bet he got picked on as kid. That's probably what fueled his aspirations to become a ruthless dictator) threatens them with death by fire for refusing to bow to his golden idol they respond,

"Your threat means nothing to us. If you throw us in the fire, the God we serve can rescue us from your roaring furnace and anything else you might cook up, O king. But even if he doesn't, it wouldn't make a bit of difference, O king. We still wouldn't serve your gods or worship the gold statue you set up." 

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego had no doubt that God is sovereign, that he rules over the birds of the air, the fish of the sea, and even Nebuchadnezzar and his magnificent kingdom. But they also believed that God's sovereignty was not contingent upon him saving them. His sovereignty did not rest on whether their prayers were answered according to their requirements.

God does not lose control because I don't get what I want and God does not lose control because I do not understand what he is doing. Yes, I have permission to question, to shout, and to be frustrated. God welcomes such honest banter but perhaps before I call God's goodness and sovereignty into question I should assess my motives. Is my desire really for God to reign over HIS kingdom or do I simply want a God who says, "Have it your way"?

Don't Go in There

So I followed a Jew to the bathroom. I know, it sounds like a joke but it's not.  I did follow a Jew into the bathroom, but I wasn't following him on purpose, as in some strange stalking sense.  We just happened to be going to the bathroom at the same time and he just happened to be in front of me. Although my soon-to-be-friend was not a Hasidic Jew his traditional attire gave him away as devote and conservative. Before I walked through the restroom threshold I noticed he had left his Torah outside. I instinctively wanted to grab it and return it but then, "Click!"- light bulb. What if he left it outside the bathroom on purpose?

After "taking care of business" and returning back to my gate (Detroit airport) I told Mary Beth about my experience,
"I think he left it outside on purpose."
"Why?"
"Probably because the bathroom is unclean space. I've got to go ask him!"
"No."
"He won't care."
"Don't."
"He'll be happy to talk about his faith."
"Okay, do what you want."

So I headed over to my friend. Okay, now maybe it is borderline stalking, and he wasn't my friend yet, but I don't want to keep referring to him as "The Jew."
"Excuse me!"
He looks at me like, "Oh great!"
"I'm a Christian minister and I wanted to ask you something about your faith."
He nodded an "Okay."
"I noticed you left your Torah outside the bathroom..."
"It was a prayer book."
"O-oh! I noticed you left your prayer book outside the bathroom. Did you do that on purpose?"
"Yes. We don't take it into the bathroom."
"Is that because the bathroom is unclean?"
"Yes."
"Thanks for taking the time to answer my question, and I want you to know I respect your reverence for God."
He smiled. (Can I call him my friend now?)

I have spent half of my life studying God but as I walked back to my gate that evening I was reminded that I would never fully understand him.  Even though I'm extraordinarily grateful that in the incarnation God invaded our personal space and with His Spirit set up camp in our internal space, this small experience reminded me that God is still radically other! I appreciate my new friend for reminding me to "fear the Lord." When I revere his holiness...

• It creates theological humility - that no matter how well thought-out my understanding of God, I could be wrong.
• It leads me to conversation rather than dogmatism.
• It makes me a better listener.
• It reminds me that grace not only covers imperfect actions but also imperfect theology.
• It encourages me to practice silence and solitude, disciplines where God works on me rather than me dissecting God.
• It makes me thankful that the Holy God seeks intimacy with me.

But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you. (I Sam. 12:24)

3 Degrees from a Noose: Accepting Grace (Part II)

In my last post, "Remorse to Repentance," I shared some thoughts from a sermon I recently co-preached with Luke Norsworthy. The sermon focused on Peter and Judas, how both felt remorse, shame, and sorrow over their betrayal of Jesus and yet they ended up in vastly differently places: Peter as a key Early Church leader and Judas dead! Peter moved from remorse to repentance while Judas moved from remorse to shame to self-hatred. Peter's success centered on his ability to accept God's Grace.  

Having personally stood in both Peter and Judas' shoes, I too found myself at the crossroads of repentance or self-hatred.  Thanks to a community that surrounded me and a strong theological foundation I was able to accept God's grace in my life and move into a new and better place than I have ever been.  Here are three necessary steps in accepting God's grace in your life.

 

1. You must BELIEVE in God's grace .  In order to accept God's grace you must be solidly grounded in its limitlessness.  That’s why "good" theology is important.  That’s why knowing your Bible is important. If teachings of a disappointed, angry, and legalistic God shaped your understanding of the Father then grace will be nearly impossible for you to receive.

As I struggled to accept God's grace in my own life I dwelt in Romans 8.  I lived in this passage until it's truth became a part of my daily rhythm.  It is a passage about God’s love, his justification, and life in the Spirit. Particularly, I prayed 8:33b, "It is God who justifies" hundreds of times a day.  I prayed it for three reasons:

• Unfortunately you cannot undo the damage your sin caused. (Sin always destroys. That is what it does.) You can cease a sinful act, you can repair relationships, you can seek restoration but you cannot undo the sin.  You cannot fix it. "It is God who justifies," is a calming reminder that although you cannot make what you did right, God can and does make you right.  It will let you sleep at night. (There was a period in my life where I prayed this phrase over and over until I fell asleep at night.)
• Many times your sinful choices bring judgement from others. You will hunger to change people's perception of you.  Praying, "It is God who justifies," helps you find peace in knowing that others' opinions of you cannot justify or condemn you because only GOD justifies, and not Lady From Church who sits on the third row.
• Finally, praying "It is God who justifies" reminds you that you have a right standing before God,  a Child of God, not because you did "good" or you did "bad' but because he made you his child.  God justifies because of his love and not your performance.

In order to accept grace, you must immerse yourself in the truth of scripture and God's nature. You must BELIEVE in his grace. 

2. You must FEEL God's grace. If believing in God's grace helps your mind accept grace, then feeling God's grace helps your heart accept it.  Unless you are the exception and have stood face to face with God, you probably have not felt his arms wrap around your body- where God swallows you up in an embrace as the Father does The Prodigal. While God may not appear in person, the body of Christ is there to help you physically accept God's grace.  The Church is the arms and legs of God, the Spirit-filled (His Spirit) community.

It is imperative that you stay connected or get connected to a church body when you are seeking to make that change from remorse to repentance - to accept God's grace. When you enter the remorse phase Satan will immediately attempt to ISOLATE you in your shame and guilt.  In my case, I knew this and therefore one of the first things I did was call two of my best friends and tell them, “I need your help.  I cannot do this by myself.”

You need to feel God’s grace. You need to feel people love you in spite of your failure.  The place we go (should go) for that is the Church! DO NOT ISOLATE YOURSELF IN YOUR SORROW.  If you do you will guarantee it will lead to worldly sorrow. Remember Judas...suicide is always committed alone!! But on the other hand, Peter, who bounced back, gathered with the Eleven only two chapters after his denial.  He stayed connected to the body.

[NOTE to Churches… We must be the arms and hugs of God’s grace to those who are moving from sorrow to repentance.  We are the physical manifestation of God's grace.]

3. You must LIVE out of God's grace. Satan wins a battle when you give in to temptation and choose sin, but he wins the war if you let the shame and guilt of your sin paralyze you from getting involved in Kingdom work. He is perfectly content for you to feel bad for your sin, to even stop sinning as long as the guilt of your sin keeps you immobile in the Kingdom.

It is one thing to believe in his grace and to feel his grace but if you really want to repent, to turn the car around, to go the other direction you have to LIVE out of grace.  Peter is a great example of what it means to live out of God's grace. Not only did he return to the Eleven but Peter gives a sermon at Pentecost that ends up with 3000 people baptized.  Peter's greatest witness for God came post his epic fail! He goes on to become one of the most powerful leaders in Church history because he chose to live out of God’s grace.

Your sinful past/present will make you feel unworthy to serve in the Kingdom. YOU ARE UNWORTHY! WE ARE ALL UNWORTHY, always… that’s the beauty of grace.  God uses the unworthy for his ministry.  Don’t let your past cripple your ministry in the present! Live out of grace.

Knowing the Unknowable

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1)  

 

I've known that little verse since I was kid.  I'm sure at some point my Sunday School Teacher gave me a smiley face sticker for memorizing it.  I can still quote it, but in spite of having it etched on my memory it took years to understand it.

I believed faith was "confidence that God would grant my requests and answer my prayers if I believed hard enough and refused to doubt."  But once you receive what you have requested, faith is no longer required.  Now you have proof, evidence, hard data. 

Faith is not believing you will receive your requests, but rather believing that God is who he says he is, that he will keep his promises, that he will keep his promises in spite of the lack of proof, evidence, and hard data. Real faith is not receiving what you ask for but rather when your whole world is caving in, when evil has mounted your head as a trophy on its Wall of Victory, when every voice in every part of your life is screaming, "GOD is DEAD! He is a liar.  He is a human creation to make Hopefuls out of the Hopeless"... you are able, in spite of the evidence against him, in spite of reason, in spite of the overwhelming circumstances...to rise, and to declare, "God is faithful.  He keeps his promises. He is trustworthy."  Faith is, "being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see"...and may never see this side of life.

Hebrews 11 gives examples to support this understanding of faith:

• Noah believed God when he said there would be a flood to the point of building the precursor to the Titanic (Coming soon the release of The Flood in 3D)
• God promised Abraham he would have children like stars in the sky but when Abraham died it was more like "Children like the Brady Bunch."  Although Abraham died not seeing the fulfillment of God's promise, God was still faithful after his death, and Abraham believed him.
• Joseph believed God would lead the people out of Egypt but he died before it ever happened, and yet God kept his promise many years later.
• Moses and Israel painted lamb's blood on their door frames because they believed God would destroy the firstborn of the unpainted homes. And he did!
• Joshuah and the Israelites marched around Jericho because they believed God would do as he promised and bring the walls down on the 7th day!
• They were put to death by stoning; they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and in holes in the ground. These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.  (Heb. 11:37-40)

Hebrews 11 argues that faith means believing God will keep his promises even when all circumstances and evidence point to the contrary...even when he fulfills his promises after your death. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we may NEVER see... this side of life." Just because you don't experience the fulfillment of God's promises in your lifetime does not mean he will fail to keep them. Chapter 11 encourages the reader to trust that God keeps his promises no matter what your experiences.

And so Hebrews moves from this chapter on faith to, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses..."  Witness of what? Witness of God's faithfulness! Witness like Noah, Abraham, Moses, Joshua... witnesses who testify from the other side of life that God is faithful - ALWAYS!

When your loved one dies, when you lose your job, when your spouse leaves, when your friends betray you, when you are ostracized at work, when you are depressed...and as a result you doubt God's love...when he seems like he won't come through, when it feels he has deceived you, when it appears he has deserted you - listen to all the witnesses!  Listen to...

•  Noah, "The rains DID come.  The water DID rise."
• Abraham, "Although I never saw it with my own eyes God DID make me into a nation!"
• Joseph, "Even though I was long gone, Israel did walk to freedom out of the most powerful nation without having to raise a sword. There was an Exodus."
• Moses, "God's messenger did kill the firstborn of the unpainted houses!"
• Joshua, "The walls did fall!" 
• Mary and Peter, "Jesus did rise from the dead!"

So... can you hear them?  When your faith is shaky, rest on theirs.

Better Quoted than Created

Sometimes words smack you in your face like a rolled up wet towel and you just have to regurgitate, or retweet in a larger than 140 character format.  I started reading Michael Yaconelli's book Messy Spirituality tonight.  Michael died tragically in a 1 car accident in 2003.   Karla, his wife, writes the  foreword and in it she imagines what he might say to you and what he definitely would say to me.  Here are his words via her imagination:

Take heart, my friends.  You are in good company.  You, with all your faults and imperfections; you, with your defects and failures; you, with your hang-ups and emotional scars; you, with all of your blunders, brokenness, and floundering; you are God's beloved, God's favored, the disciple whose name God calls, the one Jesus prefers to hang with, and laugh with.  You are the one whom the holy God of heaven and earth longs to spend time with.  You are all of this and more.  You always have been. And you always will be.


-Karla Yaconelli (March, 2007)


**God's preference for "screwups" is much more inclusive than this statement may sound, given the fact that we're all pretty much losers.  Some of us are simply more acutely aware of our all-encompassing "messiness" (to use Michael's term) than others.

An Accordion at a Guitar Jam?

Several years ago, I listened to a Brian McLaren message.  He told a story. Brian was facilitating a discussion among a certain denomination's leaders.  He drew a line down the middle of a dry erase board.  On one side he wrote, "Major issues in in the Church."  On the other he wrote "Major issues in the world."  The denomination heads brainstormed both sides of the line until they exhausted their interest in the exercise.  At that point, Brian pointed out that there was no issue listed on the Church side found on the World side.  The story struck a nerve and led me to question, "Is Christianity and the Church relevant to the world? Can we survive the next century if we keep living on Planet Christian unaware and disinterested in the wilting world world around us? Does the message of the Christian faith speak anything worthwhile to the day to day life of everyday people trying to survive?"

If Christianity simply promises a better afterlife, if its main gift to this life is moral mastery and the easing of a guilty conscious, if it offers hope for the future but simply medication for the present then, yes, Christianity is irrelevant to this life.  In this sense, not only is Christianity irrelevant, it suggests this life is irrelevant too- except for securing an invitation to the relevant life to come."

On the other hand, if Christianity centers itself on the gospel, if it really offers "good news," if it does not medicate this life but heals the wounds in this life, if the resurrection isn't the exception but rather the pattern, if it offers hope for your shattered relationship as much as for your eternal destination then the Christian message is the most relevant news in all creation.  I believe it IS relevant to those living in the open sewer slums of Brazil and to those vacationing in their Swiss mansions.  Jesus speaks to our greatest desires and needs.

1. LOVE.  I believe the number one desire of every human being is to be loved. We spend most of our life seeking genuine love, unconditional love, and relentless love (hesed).  God paints the gospel message on a canvass of love.  Love is the center, the reason, the point of the Christian faith.  God, as the perfect community of love - Father, Son, and Spirit, created from the overspill of his love. The snow-capped mountains, the reefs accessorized with dazzling sea life, the cries of a newborn, and the teaming white waters are God's love made visible.  God did not create to be adored.  He created to love.  Love is selfless.  It must have an object.  We are the object of his love and he invites us to make him the object of our love and only "there" is Love complete.  Some may say, "What about justice and wrath and worship?"  Yes, they are part of the gospel message but they are all children of Love.  Justice is Love with arms and legs.  Wrath is Love refusing to let the virus of sin destroy God's masterpiece. Worship is the response when encountering Love! If human beings ultimately crave love, then Christianity is relevant.
2. VALUE.  Clinging to the heels of love, we all desire to be valued.  We want our existence to be worthwhile and so we strive.  We chase money so our value has a concrete measurable figure. We accumulate power, collect people and place them below us, so we can look down and know, "At least I'm worth more than 145 people."  We crave influence and measure our value based on how often others retweet us, how many followers we have on our blogs, how many copies of books we sell, the size of crowds to whom we speak to, the number of individuals who quote our words... We strive, push, pull, run, go, work, climb, fight, reach, stretch until we are exhausted.  We look back on our lives and we see we spent all our time "doing" and forgot to "be." All to feel valuable. But, the opening chapter of the Christian story says: "So God created mankind in his own image/ in the image of God he created them/ male and female he created them." God says, "You have value because I made you." If human beings seek value, then Christianity is relevant.
3. BELONGING.  I had bouts this past summer with a loneliness so thick that, for the first time, I understood why some people contemplate and attempt suicide (note: I never contemplated suicide but understood why people arrive at that place).  Loneliness is crippling. We need relationship.  Gangs, people staying in destructive relationships, and peer pressure's effectiveness stem from our desire to belong.  Not only do we desire community; we need it. The old adage "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps" sounds fierce and strong but it is a lie.  First of all, someone made the bootstraps. Second, while there may be times of "pulling yourself up" there will be more times when your bootstraps tear or you cut your arms off and you will need help.  We need to belong, to have family, to have friends, to have community.  Christianity is community!  You cannot be a Christian without belonging.  In the beginning God created a couple.  When he needed a representative to the world he raised a nation.  When he wanted to continue the ministry of Jesus on earth he bore the Church.  If you are a Christian you are grafted into a community, a people...you belong to a family of Spirit-filled beings. If we need to belong, then Christianity is relevant.
4. PHYSICAL NEEDS: "Ahh!" you say, "Charlton, what about water, food shelter? How relevant is Christianity to such basic human needs? How can you say it is relevant when so many are hungry, thirsty and homeless?!" I would argue that Jesus, the founder of Christianity, is the answer.  When the Church kicks on all cylinders, when she lives in the Spirit, when she takes seriously the mission of Christ the church meets physical needs.  In Acts 4 the text says, "All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them."  The Church didn't need to argue capitalism versus socialism versus communism to secure the best way to meet basic needs.  But rather, out of an understanding of who they were in Jesus Christ they recognized that all belongs to God: land, money, health, crops.  They recognized that they were merely stewards of God's earth and so they made sure no one went empty handed.  If we need water, food, and shelter then Christianity is not only relevant...it should be the answer.

I preached because I believed Christianity wasn't opium for the masses, or medication for the sick. I preached because I believe the gospel is "good news" for every breathing moment of your life and my life.  It is practical.  It is relevant.

Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Rubble University: Part I, You are NOT a Preacher

Although I wouldn't recommend it: pain, trials, and sinful choices are a full semesters worth of Life credit. Despite the last three years being the most challenging and failed of my short existence, I still believe I have lived, by the grace of God, an easy and comfortable life.  I feel, today, God's favor on me, a heavy hand of favor that makes me cower undeservingly.  It is the cherry on top of a 3 year journey in humility.  I'm not saying "I'm humble," but rather that I have been humbled...forced against my pride to rely fully on an a life in God.  In short, I've learned a lot from my failures: moral failures, failures born of ignorance, and failures from immaturity.

This post is the first in a series where I offer a brief summary of "leadership/ministry" lessons.  Lessons I've scavenged from the rubble, lessons I wish I knew earlier (probably should have known).  I tailor them toward preaching and ministry but you can apply them to any role involving leadership and responsibility (even parenting).  I hope something in the next several posts can encourage and challenge you.

1.  You Are NOT a Preacher (Minister):   You are not a preacher.  You are a child of God gifted and called to preach.  If you woke up today and the pulpit was gone, your office empty, and the name plate on your wall replaced, would you know who you are?  Yes, you would grieve the loss.  But would you be lamenting the loss of a loved job or the loss of your identity? When you make preaching your identity, it becomes your god, and all idols eventually rust, break, and leave you bloody and exhausted after dancing and shouting for hours on end with no response (I Kings 18).  And when preaching becomes the god to whom you sacrifice, you hinder the effectiveness of your ministry and the Kingdom of God.

First, when your value and self-understanding rest on the soft foundation of preaching rather than the steadfast love of God, your ministry moves away from God to yourself.  Preaching becomes about your influence, your reputation, your ability, your growing number of "gigs", your skill, your eloquence, and your notoriety. Instead of pointing to the cross, you use the story of the cross to point to you.  When preaching becomes your identity it ceases to be preaching mutating into a religious talent show.  Preaching, by definition, is "A word from the Lord" and not a word about you.

Second, you can expect an emotional roller coaster ride from hell...Highs, when you will look in the mirror and whisper to your dashing self, "You are awesome!" Lows, when you will want to crawl into a hole and die (no one would care anyway).  Your contentment will bob around like a buoy in a midnight squall, because it depends upon the congregational response. When the congregation praises your preaching, when they write raving reviews, you will feel amazing about yourself. But, when the criticism comes, you will not see the criticism as directed at your preaching but as criticism directed at you.  As your mood tettertotters with the congregational response, temptations arise: First, to tickle the ears of the hearer; second, to bounce from place to place in order to remain in the "honeymoon" stage; third, to ignore and/or avoid constructive criticism; fourth, to foster bitterness and resentment against the congregation when things go poorly.

You are NOT a preacher. You are a Child of God. His forming you, his breathing life into your fragile frame, his delivering you, his inviting you to participate in his life...that is who you are. So, how do you remind yourself you are NOT a preacher?

1. Take your DAY OFF (I made the mistake of not doing that).  
2. Talk with your elders about rearranging your schedule to fit around family life rather than forcing family life to fit around your ministry schedule. For example, if you have young children at home, go to work at 9:00 AM instead of 8:00 AM.  You you can help get them to school.  Make that hour up studying from your house after they go to bed at night
3. Find a hobby: running (should be manditory), hunting, fishing, cooking, shopping (within reason), Call of Duty, high school basketball, etc.
4. Be gracious in sharing the pulpit.
5. Bring in preachers who you know are better than you.
6. Invite others to help you plan and brainstorm for your sermons. 
7. Find a group of people you trust, who love you for you. Invite them to provide honest sermon feedback. 

And I'm sure there are 100 other ways to live out of the reality that you are NOT a preacher; you ARE a child of God.

God Isn't Enough

I've heard several preachers say, "God is enough." I know what they mean but I'm not sure if God agrees. Let me explain.  Yes, fulfillment and peace come from a genuine and intimate relationship with the Father, but getting there requires other people.  Your relationship with God is not an individual pursuit.  It is a team effort.

Take David before he was King David.  In the second half of I Samuel David is running for his life.  His success on the battlefield, his growing fan-base, and his dose of the Lord's favor had stirred up King Saul's competitive spirit.  So Saul plans to protect his throne by putting David on the top of his army's hit list.  Shepherd boy makes Israel's Most Wanted and so David goes Bear Grylls.  He kicks into survival mode: lying to priests, eating holy bread, pulling a Hamlet by pretending to be insane (drool and all), and hiding in deserts - whatever it takes to stay alive.

During this time, David's charisma and leadership rallies a small army of screw-ups 600 strong and King Saul has had enough.  To make sure his servants know he means business Saul kills 85 priests!  (No, these were not televangelists but Israel's priests). He then turns up the heat in his pursuit of David.  While David hides out in Kelilah he hears rumors of Saul's plans to "storm the castle," and so he inquires of God to determine if the rumor is true.  Here is the exchange between God and David (I Samuel 23):

¹¹ Will the citizens of Keilah surrender me to him? Will Saul come down, as your servant has heard? LORD, God of Israel, tell your servant.”

   And the LORD said, “He will.”

 ¹² Again David asked, “Will the citizens of Keilah surrender me and my men to Saul?”

   And the LORD said, “They will.”

Not sure how God spoke to David, but the text suggests the message was clear. Clear enough for David to pack up and "Get out of Dodge.  Yes, David is on the run. Yes, he is having to be a desert nomad for awhile, but God is on his side.  God is his alarm, his adviser (I wish God spoke to me in that way).  That should be enough.  But it wasn't (I Sam. 23:16):

¹⁶ And Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God. 

It was not enough that David heard from God; he needed Jonathan to help him make sense of God in his current situation.  Perhaps if Jonathan had not come to David's aid at this critical and challenging moment he might have stepped away from God instead of closer to him.  Our relationship with God is not a straight line connecting you to God. It is a triangle connecting you to others to God.

Your relationship with God is not up to "you."  It is up to "us." Unfortunately, at times church is the least likely place to admit that your relationship with God is struggling, that perhaps you and God are even separated.  "Everyone at church seems deeply in love with God; I could not tell them of my difficulties.  After all, it is up to me."  But it is not, the church is there to help you find strength in God.

Do not be afraid to seek help in your relationship with God.  Lean on others' understanding, experience, struggles, confessions, stories, suffering, joys, etc. Be courageous and grow in your relationship with God by approaching and engaging others.

I want to offer my wife's and my help.  If you feel your faith community is unsafe or if you do not have a faith community, our ears are available.  We don't have a lot of answers and, compared to many, not a lot of life experiences, but what we can offer is a non-judgemental, honest, and safe place to wrestle with, celebrate, or question your relationship with God.  Drop us a message on Facebook and we will make sure and get in touch with you.

God Wears Asics

I think about the prodigal a lot, Luke 15:11-31.  The more I live in and live this story the more I believe it is at the center of the gospel.  I think it should be the preacher's first sermon and the preacher's last.  To rehash... the boy gives his father a death wish by asking for his inheritance early. He journeys far away and burns it all on idiocy.  He ends up finding himself jealous of mud-wallowing pigs and so plots to return home broken and repentant, to beg for a position, not at his father's table but in the bunkhouse.  He makes that fearful journey home and...

 “...while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

You, the reader, knows why the prodigal returns.  You have access to his inner thoughts, "I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.  I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants."  But the father has no idea! For all the father knows, the boy may be on his way home to demand more money or curse him.  All the father knows is that in the distance a silhouette of his son approaches and so he...

Yells,  "Is that you, you ungrateful brat?  Who said you were welcome here!"
OR
 Says, "Hey Mother! Look who is coming.  Don't you go crying now.  Let's wait and see what he wants."
Or
"Security!  Please escort him off the property.  He is not my son!"
OR
He stood with arms crossed and when his son reached him he looked down and said sternly, "So, are you here because you've repented? Because, if you haven't then you are not welcome here.  If you have, then you are welcome but you have some proving to do."

No! Read it one more time:  “...while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him."   The father's love for his child was not based on the son's repentance.  He loved his son even if he were still in sin, for all he knew he was.

God hates sin because it destroys but he loves you!  ALWAYS! ...when you are good, when you repent and come groveling home, when you are blatantly sinning.  That should blow your mind.  It should make you cry! So if you are reading this and are choosing sin, trust me, it will break you and those you love but GOD DOES NOT LOVE YOU ANY LESS NOW THAN HE EVER HAS!  When he sees you, no matter where you are, he runs, throws his arms around you, and kisses you! (Yes! I'm crying!)

Eden Planters (Practical Redemption 3)

If God created the Church for Practical Redemption, then what does redemption look like?  It looks like Eden, a time when everything fell in line with the desires of God - a world in harmony: humanity living at peace through love, people and nature benefiting each other, and God walking among us "in the cool of the day."

Redemption looks like Jesus...  little Jesuses popping up around the earth because of the transforming work of the Spirit in the lives of his disciples: Jesus baristas, Jesus lawyers, Jesus teachers, Jesus hairstylists, Jesus businessmen, Jesus janitors...

Redemption looks like heaven breaking into earth, and by heaven I don't mean some other sphere where a Spiritual Scottie magically teleports Christians in the "End Times."  By heaven I mean the domain where things align with the will of God.  It is the answering of the Lord's Prayer, "Our Father in heaven hallowed be your name.  Your kingdom come; your will be done on EARTH as it is in HEAVEN."

Yes, there are commands, laws, and teachings throughout the great story of scripture, but all of them serve the overarching purpose of redemption.  In Revelation 21:5, God says it this way: "I am making everything new!"  We spend so much time camping out on the Means to the Ends.  The Bible isn't about morality,  justice, or orthodoxy, but these three serve as different means of redeeming a broken and hurting world.

As the Church this is our lens, the lens of redemption.  Instead of putting acapella and instrumental worship in the ring to see who beats the snot out of the other, we ask, "How can our worship be Practical Redemption?  How can our worship best shape people into little Jesuses?"  It means we tackle conversations about women's roles with redemption as our guide.  It means we pour as much of our energy into what we do outside the building as to what we do inside the building.  It means we ask, "How do we grow Eden in our neighborhood and city?"  It means we spend less time worrying about conforming to the name on our sign and more time submitting to the Spirit in our heart.  It means that our presence in the world makes a tangible difference in the lives of people. We are a people of Practical Redemption.

[Note: Sin is the antithesis of redemption.  It brings weeds to Eden; it mocks Jesus as a fool; it repels heaven's descent.  I don't write this as a trained theologian.  I write it from experience.  I bit off a big chunk of sin this summer.  It wasn't people telling me, "What you are doing is wrong!" or "Your soul is in danger of hell!" or "You're an a--hole," that broke my soul.  It was my eyes opening to how my selfish and sinful choices undid, on so many levels, God's plan of redemption.  I uncreated!  That's not what I desire. Instead, I want the Spirit to redeem through me.  This is my prayer.]

What Was Is and Will Be

All that I have left is all that I really had in the first place.

I'm a sculptor of perception and my medium of choice has been the Christian Faith.  I learned early on which levers to pull, which words to say, which looks to sport, which verses to quote in order to win the approval of the masses.  It worked.  The school kids called me "PK" (Preacher Kid).  Mr. Integrity in High School.  Mr. LCU in college. "Charley and Terrie, you must be so proud of your son!"  It worked so well I eventually landed what I had planned from the beginning - the big preaching gig! I had sculpted a perception masterpiece.  The problem?  Any perception built on any foundation other than God eventually caves in under its own weight.  And so it did with the "big preaching gig."

I was honored and thrilled that this prominent congregation had invited me to stand before them and offer a weekly Word from the Lord.  I also knew that despite its successful history the congregation was  currently in the early stages of organizational decline.  No problem, that's why I was being brought in (sounds pompous...  it was). Except that two months into the job my gut, or more likely the Spirit (sometimes I wish it were easier to decipher between the two), told me, "This isn't going to work." But there were voices out -talking my gut/Spirit.  My education said, "You have to give it two years before you can make any decisions!"  My experience said, "You are a trained theologian and minister."  My youth said, "You are exactly what this congregation needs to ride out of its slump into a new future."  My competitive nature said, "Taylor, you're not a quitter!"  In case you missed it, my pride and arrogance out-shouted my gut/Spirit.

"I mean, I am an excellent preacher.  I will win the crowd over in no time.  I will WOW them with my first sermon and by the end of the first month they'll be thanking the elders for hiring me!"  So I delivered my first sermon with all the passion I could muster, but the WOW was more of an "Uh-huh."  The WOW didn't show up at the second or third sermon either.  Second month? Nope.  Third? Nah.  Sixth?  No way; it was bad by then.  The comments were coming "Talks too fast.  Doesn't use enough scripture.  Irreverent. Illustrations don't make sense.  Can't understand him.  He is a left wing liberal...."  Now granted, preaching always comes with criticism and I had many opportunities to taste that bitter herb.  Once after a youth rally, an elder rebuked me publicly in front of the entire congregation. That tasted sweet! Another time, at a different congregation, a member transcribed a section from my sermon, wrote a three page rebuttal and then emailed it to all my elders with out my knowledge.  Criticism and I had gone on several dates.  It wasn't simply the criticism but the reality that it began to awaken in me, "You're not that good of a preacher!"  At that point, I often considered quitting preaching altogether with dreams of serving as a park ranger in some heavily forested state.  I realized the weight I put on my preaching was too much.  It was too shabby of a structure, and would never carry this congregation through.

With my preaching crumbling around me, I turned to my mad leadership skills.  "Come on, I have always been a leader: NHS President, Drama Club VP, Chorus Chaplain, Freshman Class President, Sophomore Class President, Meistersinger President."  I thought my credentials would speak for themselves.  But, this situation was different; overt leadership would fail.  I didn't have the chips, tenure, or respect to lead overtly.  I would implement second chair leadership: relational leadership, grassroots movements, invite outsiders with clout to speak into the situation, and use data...lots and lots of data.  I was confident... then less so...then not at all...then simply kissing failure right smack on the lips.  Throughout my leadership efforts several key individuals who I needed on board called my leadership ability into question.  KABOOM!  My leadership confidence exploded as my preaching collapsed around me.

"At least I still have my integrity and character!  At least... oh wait, HAD."  The majority of people would never have doubted my character and integrity and no one was going to take that from me.  They didn't have to because I sacrificed it all when I let my heart wander into places it never belonged, launching me into a four month run of betrayal, deception, selfishness, and cheating.  At that point... "Let's see, anyone out there respect me?  Can we see a showing of hands? Umm, anyone?  Anyone?  Ok, no one!"  So with my preaching crumbling around my exploding leadership I decided to strangle my character and integrity with my bare hands.

It all caved in... all of it and I was left with nothing - Preaching? NO.  Leadership? Funny.  Character and integrity? Shut up! - everything I had relied on for my identity.  All the little pieces I had woven into a beautiful tapestry and named "Charlton" were now shattered across the floor of my life.  I was left with nothing but God!  That's when it hit me; that's all I ever had, GOD!  Even when "I had it all," I really just had God.


All that I have left is all that I really had in the first place.

Layers

It was my lunch break. I was eating steak... in a city park.  The steak was served in a zip lock baggie, cold leftovers from the night before and I was sticking to a sap-stained park bench.  I hadn't purchased this prime cut of beef because I don't dine on sirloin right now.  One steak and a Coke?  I don't measure that in dollars; I measure it in hours.  That's a half of a day's work.  Dear friends bought Mary Beth and I the grilled cuisine, and they didn't just offer dinner. They talked about paying rent... Layers.

As I set up lunch, an older gentleman strolled into the park carrying two suitcases out of a 60's movie.  A blue ball cap, the mesh kind that were dominate in the 80's and that are now making a comeback, protected his sun-scarred face.  He was thin, not a healthy, fit-and-in-shape kind of thin, but the kind that comes from lacking a surplus of food.  He wore Wranglers, although he likely never road a horse or shot a pistol from his hip. He rolled his Wranglers just like a parent does when buying their kid's pants a couple sizes too big in order to save a trip back to the store in a month.  He covered his chest with one of those shirts Middle Aged West Texas Tourists wear, one that would blend into any decade while at the same time be clearly out of fashion.  It's probably one your grandpa wore.  As he set up at his bench, a man dashed out of the office building across the street as if posing for a GQ ad - shimmery suit tapered at the ankle, a single button holding the coat over his well-fed belly, a nicely groomed beard.  He jumped in a car and moved out of the GQ ad into a Lexus commercial.  Only one hundred feet apart...Layers.

Gnawing on my cow remains, I pulled out a Gatorade to lubricate my meat's decent into my stomach.  That's when I noticed, my blue-hatted friend also had a Gatorade.  His flavor was "Fountain Water" and it wasn't a beverage.  It was a washing machine.  He pulled a shirt out of his suitcase and arranged it on the brick sidewalk.  After filling his bottle with water from the fountain he started the pre-soak cycle.  He doused his clothes and then started scrubbing with a barely visible soap fragment.  Then he rinsed.  His dryer was the only park bench managing to sunbathe in the noonday rays.  "Ding! Ding!" An iPhone text interrupted my observations... Layers.

After glancing at the text I moved from the steak remains to a Trix yogurt ("Silly rabbit!  Tricks are for kids).  I pealed back the lid and started to drink my yogurt just as my blue-hatted friend began enjoying a tasty mid-day meal himself.  Fortunately we were shaded by mature pecan trees that had rained down their Fall gifts across the park.  The blue hatted man would gather a few, line them on his bench like a Sushi Chef lines his rolls, and then crack one at a time.  Park pecans for lunch!  After my yogurt I opened my pita chips and scooped up some garlic hummus... Layers.

Lunch was nearly over.  It had been less than one hour and there were layers everywhere.  Layers sitting on park benches.  Layers walking down the street.  Layers smoking in the ally.  Layers dinning on pecans at the water fountain laundry mat, layers in suits, layers in an old pair of Asics and a stained church t-shirt, layers in my head, layers in your head.  Layers everywhere... except in God.

Reverse Butterfly Effect

The Butterfly Effect... something along the lines of a butterfly flaps its wings in South American which produces enough climate change to form a hurricane in the Atlantic several weeks later.  Or, a kid sneezes in China and a group of Syracuse students break the Guinness World record for the largest flapjack. Huh? It has something to do with Chaos Theory - I'm lost already but I do know that in Genesis 1 the Spirit of God is hovering over the "chaos" and then God preaches order out of chaos, "Let there be light..." You're confused now, so let me explain.

 My current job? - Helping build fences.  Notice I did not say, "building fences."  The key word is "helping." I spend many of my days carrying pickets.  I'm the machine, a rather scrawny one, driven by the commands of my gracious boss - like a front end loader for Munchkinland.  As I'm in the monotonous rhythm of loading and unloading today I start feeling a desire to preach again.  AHHH!  I cannot even get through a day without crying, so the thought of wanting to return to the pulpit makes me nervous.  I explore the origins of such an out of place thought, "Why am I feeling the desire to preach right now?"

1. I believe over the last three months I have gained new insight regarding sin, compassion, love, and loneliness which helps me understand and relate better to people when preaching.
2. Preaching makes me feel significant... DING! DING!  There's the red flag!

And I waved that red flag right in front of my face.  I'm on a mission to connect deeply with God, not feel significant.  I was mad at myself for so easily reverting to my old pattern, but I desperately want to be significant.  And that's when the mental scroll started rolling, "I LONG to be significant.  I LONG to be desired.  I LONG to be admired.  I LONG to be attractive.  I LONG to be wanted."  Dagnabadidabit! I was so angry with myself.  I want and should LONG for God, but I don't, even after all the crap, I don't. So, I just started praying Psalm 63:1

O God, you are my God,
   earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
   my body LONGS for you,
in a dry and weary land
   where there is no water.

Over and over, I moved wood and whispered the prayer, over and over, over and over... when finally I whisper shouted, "God where are you?  Come on!"  SO MUCH SILENCE! But then I went back to Psalm 63 and transferring wooden pickets.  As I gathered the next load to carry into the yard a single butterfly landed on my stack of pickets.  This may not mean anything to you, and it wouldn't to me either if my wife had not written this blog entry a few days ago.  In it she says, "At the beginning of this "hell" a dear friend of mine gave me this necklace [of a] butterfly: She told me..... 'God can create something beautiful out of this mess.  From the ugly caterpillar comes a beautiful butterfly.  God can make something new and beautiful again.'" God bringing order out of chaos.

 

I cannot be absolute that it was God giving me an Elijah Whisper, "I'm right here!" but I would like to think so.  It affirmed what the resurrection proves: it will be okay, not only for me, but for everyone involved.  Out of my hurricane of destruction God brought the butterfly.

Jegodsus

Marcion blew a head gasket!  A piece of hardware must have come loose in that noggin of his.  Doesn't he know that you cannot work for a church and ask ridiculously honest questions.  He was a bishop for Pete's sake,  a bishop in the Second Century and as he read through the Bible he noted some discrepancies between God in the Old Testament and God in the New Testament.  He did not have the nerve to diagnose God with multiple personality disorder so he suggested two gods in scripture: the lower class God of the OT and the good God of the NT.  And what does The Bishop get for taking off  the blinders and wrestling with some of the confusion about God?  -A platter of excommunication with a side of heretic.  Nice knowing you Marc!

Now, while I don't agree with Marcion's conclusions, I think I would enjoy a breakfast conversation with him over some Eggs Benedict and Kenyan Chai.  Because there are things about God that confuse me, that make me angry...

1. God tests Abraham by commanding him to sacrifice his son?  Whether he ever intended to let him do it or not... still. (Gen. 22)
2. I feel sorry for the Exodus Pharaoh because although half of the time he hardens his own heart, the other half of the time God hardens his heart.  How do you win that one? (Ex. 9:12)
3. God's command to punish the Amalekites by killing everything: men, women, and CHILDREN (I Samuel 15:1-4)
4. "The next day an evil (harmful) spirit from God came forcefully upon Saul." (I Sam. 18:10)
5. Or, one of my favorites, when God sends a deceiving spirit into the prophets' mouths in to lure Ahab into the battle of his demise. (I Kings 22:19-23)
6. The Book of Job... uh, where do I start?

There are things about God that are disturbing, things we often don't talk about on Sunday AM, or read to our kids before nighty-night.  I know, I know, "You don't want to serve a God who you can fully understand.  His ways are beyond our ways.  God works in mysterious ways!"  I get that, but I think sometimes Christians use those bumper-sticker sayings to be intellectually and faithfully lazy.  God has a history of revealing himself.  He wants us to KNOW him.  So what do I do with confusing aspects/tactics of a God who wants me to know him intimately yet is far larger than my minuscule brain; a God who sometimes seems to step outside of his self-definition - "God is Love;"  a God who, at times, I wouldn't want to meet in a dark ally... what do I do?  I don't have a sure answer.  I tell you what I do  right now.  I turn to Jesus.

Sometimes God appears inconsistent, but then there is Jesus.  He is consistent.  He says, "This is how life looks, life as it is designed to be lived," and then he lives it.  You look at that wandering homeless rabbi and you start naming all the cliches "That guy walks the talk, practices what he preaches..."  Jesus makes sense; I cannot get away from it.  And then Colossians 2:9 says, "For in Christ ALL the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form." and then John says (1:18), "No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son who himself is God... has made him known."

When I am confused by God, when I am angry because I cannot figure him out, when scripture seems to present different perspectives of God, the whole story of God and God himself points me to Jesus.  Jesus is God saying, "I know I'm confusing the heck out of you right now.  I know you don't get it.  I know you think I've lost my mind, but look at Jesus.  That's me, God.  Right now some things don't make sense, but I'm Jesus: the one who heals the leper with a touch, the one who forgives the prostitute, the one who feeds the hungry crowds, the one who cuddles the babies, the one who empties myself on the cross!"  When God is far off and I cannot see what he is doing, I look through Jesus and things get clearer.

Bloody Noses and Tear-Jerking Melodies

Have you ever punched EVERYONE you care about right in the face? I did! - right smack on that tender bridge cartilage where it hurts the most.  And those closest to me... I punched them even harder.  Now I'm asking for their forgiveness as I stare in the eyes of their bloody, swollen faces- victims of my fists. I know what it feels like to be crushed by my own weight!  Then my friend offers me this song: 

A woman's voice carries the melody.  She longs to perform, to impress, to offer a sacrifice to God:

"What can I do for you? What can I bring to you?

What kind of song would you have me to sing..."

After a few more verses, she sings God's reply:

"You don't have to DO a thing.  Just simply be with me

and let those things go. 'Cause they can wait another minute..."

It is here, in the truth of these lyrics, where I place my hands on my hips, let my heart rate decelerate, and breathe.  I let these words shoulder my weight, keeping myself from smothering me.  It is here...